"A world full of legs."

setting for standup 003

Third Topic: Kids

As I've stated before, I do have a lot of materials that I'm just dying to expand upon and would be looking forward to at least make this weekly. Regarding the topic itself, I can't imagine myself having a kid of my own after seeing my third brother with his daughter (and the aforementioned second child safely 'delivered' weeks ago) but I am actually quite good with children, always playing with them whenever there is a family gathering. Which is why I am questioning anybody that hates children through and through without any valid explanation or reason behind it. Full disclosure, this particular take I heard from the start of a set by Pete Holmes if I'm not mistaken in the recent episode of Put Your Hands Together podcast, and since it is such simple yet solid take, I want to give it my own personal iteration on the matter, so here goes nothing:

I want to give a controversial statement here: everyone have been someone's child before, at least once in their life. There is already a working artificial womb for lambs but none for human yet, so far. That means that you have to grow up from a baby into adulthood over the years and in the middle of that you are in the broad category that you called kids and you can further categorize them into three sub-categories of good, bad and middling. You can like them or hate them with understandable reasons however invalid they are but I take offense of those that hate them ... just because. "Why don't you like kids?" "I just don't." "No reason?" "Nope." "At all?" "Yup." Really? It's like the easiest choice you can make to add a little 'personality' to your drab presence, instead of, you know, actually being an interesting individual for once. "Come on, there must be a reason." "Alright, kids are assholes, man." "Really? All of them can be so, man. Growing up is though and adding hormones to the equation can be is a recipe for disaster." There's one phrase by Pete Holmes that I like to quote: "remember when the world is full of legs?" You are so tiny that you have to avoid bumping into other people's knees when you are walking around. "But, but, why do all the kids I interacted with were always mean to me?" "I don't know, maybe you were a bad kid yourself and they can right away recognize that." "How would you know that?" "You are one now; a childish, mean big baby." 

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That's the best one yet if I do say so myself. I admit that the main points are 'inspired' by Pete Holmes' own set (I hope I get the right guy, I would be disheartened to improperly credit the wrong comic). I think I give it enough of my own voice ... finding my own unique voice is the reason I'm doing this. That closing line could've been better.

Set quality: 40%, expanding upon a universal topic and the logical breakdown of a needless hate. Adequate.

Position: Perfect for a five minute set I think.

Topic: human life & human ego (100% relatable). 

~

P.S. I do get a lot of topics based on the PYHT podcast. I suggest you listen to it to have a good laugh if you're not looking for materials ...